Don’t let success slip away
We all know success takes hard work and perseverance, and if you’re still with us in this WOMB program then you were doing both…
But there’s another factor that we often overlook: mental and emotional strength.
To develop mental and emotional strength, you have to be willing to take a hard look at how you handle your life (both personal and professional) so you can discover what you do to sabotage your success so you can let it go.
There are many ways entrepreneurs use to sabotage themselves, here is just a short list to wake you up…
- Procrastination
“I will do it later” is often the equivalent to “I will never do it”. - Perfectionism
Perfectionism is not a quest for the best but a path of self-abuse by the harshest voice in your head that tells you you will never be good enough. - Fear of Failure
Failure is not an obstacle, but a stepping stone to success. The more you fail, the higher your chance of reaching success if you learn from it and do not give up. - Lack of Purpose
Every day you wake up, you need to know exactly why you are getting up.
You need to have a purpose and plan for your life. - Distraction
Distraction is a constant temptation, waiting just a few steps or clicks away.
If you want to succeed you must starve your distractions and feed your focus. - Self-doubt
Whenever you doubt how far you can go, remember how far you have come… - Laziness
Everyone wants to be rich, but they don’t want to put in the effort.
To be successful, you must be prepared to invest time, effort, and even money. - Ignorance
The world is continuously changing, if you refuse to learn, you will be outdated.
You need to learn, update and re-invent yourself constantly. - Envy
Envy is the art of counting another’s blessings instead of your own. The more you can focus on what you have, the happier and more successful you can become. - Comparison
Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time and energy, because… no one else is like you. Compare yourself only to who you were before and where you want to be. - Blaming
Your life, your success, your achievements are what you make of yourself.
Blame is just a lazy way of making sense of failures and mistakes. - Safety
“Oops” comes and goes but “if only…” does lasting damage. Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. To succeed you must take chances and be bold.
A quick reminder
To stay in the program, we expect you to participate fully in the program for the coming two weeks
No stories. No excuses.
There are 2 more assignment weeks
You’ll have to do them BOTH. FULLY!
There is one LAST Hot Seat session:
- December 8 – at 8pm
Make sure you are present.
Make sure you are asking a question.
There is one LAST bonus workshop:
- Level Up My Business – December 22 – at 8pm
You do NOT have to join this workshop… it’s OPTIONAL.
Assuming you’re committed to complete the program till the end…
Let’s start with your MINDSET…
Are you your own worst enemy?
No one wants to self-sabotage…
Yet most of us will sabotage ourselves at some point in our lives.
Consider the following examples:
- You want to get up early to exercise, but you sleep in instead;
- You swear you will never watch another Netflix series again, but you find yourself binging when you are stressed or lonely;
- You plan to eat healthier, but you order a pizza after a busy day;
- You want to grow your business, but you can’t get yourself to do marketing or sales;
- You promise yourself to work on your business, yet you don’t complete all the WOMB assignments as presented…
Recognizing your self-sabotaging patterns and triggers is the first step in overcoming them.
Set your GOAL for this week…
Here’s a great goal for you:
I am going to overcome my self-sabotaging patterns.
How’s that for a 5-day challenge?
Choose the STRATEGY you will use…
Here is the 5-step process you could follow in order to achieve that goal:
- Identify and understand the pattern
Understand where this pattern appears and what lies behind it; - Identify the triggers
Become aware of your conscious and unconscious triggers; - Consider the cost
What will you lose, or not gain if you continue acting this way; - Clarify your values and goals
You are more likely to commit to value-driven action than goals based on sabotaging pattern; - Do the “right” thing
Commit to an empowering action plan when the triggers are pushed next time.
PLAN your actions in your agenda…
Your next step is to physically plan this process in your agenda.
Remember – the whole purpose of the Working ON Your Business (WOMB) program is to get you in the habit of investing EVERY DAY 10-15 minutes working ON your business…
So, my suggestion, do NOT do all the exercises in one batch – but stick to the “schedule” I recommend… It will build the right habit, that would serve you for the rest of your business life.
Plan to invest 10-15 minutes EVERY DAY in the coming 5 days to follow the process above.
Now it’s time to IMPLEMENT…
Take 10-15 minutes, right now, and…
- Day 1 – Make a list of all your self-sabotaging patterns that you’re aware of (use the list on the top of this page for inspiration, but be aware that this is not a full list).
Post your list of patterns in the comment box.
- Day 2 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified yesterday – identify its trigger (or triggers).
For example, perfectionism might be triggered by the need for approval or fear of rejection.
Procrastination might be triggered when the task is boring, meaningless, difficult or unclear.
Fear of failure might be triggered by a fear of experiencing shame or embarrassment…Post your list of patterns + triggers in the comment box.
- Day 3 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified before – identify the cost (or costs) you paid for it in the past.
For example, perfectionism could lead to anxiety, depression and inaction.
Procrastination could lead to stress, regret, missed opportunities and not achieving your goals.
Fear of failure could cause panic attacks, not even starting a project, feeling of shame…Post your list of patterns + cost(s) in the comment box.
- Day 4 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified before – clarify the values and goal (or goals) you’re going to go for.
For example, you could replace perfectionism with excellence and your goal could be to get a feedback rate of 9 and up.
You could set completion as an important value in order to fight procrastination and set a deadline to complete every project.
You could choose to make as many mistakes as fast as possible in order to conquer your fear of failure. Set yourself a goal to journal (or post a blog post) about the lesson(s) you learn from each failure…Post your patterns list + values & goals in the comment box.
- Day 5 – Come up with a strategic plan how you will respond next time that one of triggers you identified will be pushed.
For example, next time you feel you must make your new blog post or YouTube video perfect – give yourself a clear, short deadline – and tell your brain, “OK… we have xx minutes to make it the best we can… perfection is for losers…”
Or start giving yourself rewards for every task you wanted to postpone – but didn’t.
Share your plan and commitments in the comment box.
My commitment to you…
- I’m looking forward to read your process and ideas below;
- I will be there for you in the Wednesday Q&A to support you with any question, challenge or setback you encounter;
- I’m looking forward to celebrate your progress and results on Friday.
Live fully, stay awesome,
Nisandeh
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Day 5 – Come up with a strategic plan how you will respond next time that one of triggers you identified will be pushed.
My strategic plan is to have a Vison day in the 1st week of January, like I’ve learned from Nisandeh years ago. This will give me more clarity on purpose, vision and goals. With acknowledging that most of my self-sabotaging patterns are based on limiting beliefs, I’ll take these as goals for 2023 and plan them in my agenda. Will use the GTD and 1-3-5 system for timemanagement and productivity. Combined with scheduled time for rest, health and selfcare.
When triggered, I’ll acknowledge the trigger, thank it for warning and will get back to my statement / vision document for next year.
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Day 4 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified before – clarify the values and goal (or goals) you’re going to go for.
Procrastination > Procrastination, take action fast, using GTD and 1-3-5 methodology; Just do it 😉
Fear of failure > Let go of the old need for recognition
Fear of success > claim expert position
Self doubt > Self confidence Acknowledge who I am and where I are; have to trust on myself more
Lack of time > timemanagement using GTD methodology
Lack of motivation > Redefine my purpose, goals and priorities
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Day 3 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified before – identify the cost (or costs) you paid for it in the past.
Overall: feeling overwhelmed, tired,
* Procrastination: stress on not achieving goals and growth
* Fear of failure: not starting or procrastinating that leads to stress and anxiety
* Fear of success: paralyzing due of fear of visibility, relating to self doubt
* Self doubt: holding back
* Lack of time: feeling overwhelmed
* Lack of motivation: feeling disappointed in myself for not being able to create the enerqy to work on my goals.
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Day 2 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified yesterday – identify its trigger (or triggers).
* Procrastination:
* Fear of failure: because of limiting beliefs
* Fear of success: because of fear of visibility, relating to self doubt
* Self doubt: limiting belief; who am I to be successful?
* Lack of time: Working fulltime, household, two kids, too little time to work dedicated and focussed on my business.
* Lack of motivation: because of lack of time, I have lack of motivation to work on my business
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Day 1 – Make a list of all your self-sabotaging patterns
Procrastination, fear of failure, fear of success, self doubt, lack of time, lack of motivation
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Day 5. Action plan
Perfectionism > Next time I will focus on customer satisfaction. The more action I take, the more I value I am able to provide, and therefore, the more my clients will benefit.
Fear of failure > I will take a lot of action, and will learn in the process. I’ll remember, FAIL means: First Attempt In Learning. And: failing is the road to success.
Distraction > In the morning, I’ll think and focus on my why, my vision and mission statement. And I’ll stick to my plan for the day and focus on doing the work.
Self-doubt > I’ll work on building my self-confidence, day by day. I’ll focus on providing value. And I’ll remind myself of the benefits of my work for the client.
Comparison > Instead, I will focus on my unique talents and capabilities. Mindset: “No one is served by me comparing myself to others.”
Safety > Plan: I will acknowledgement of my accomplishments daily (before starting work). I will look back at my big successes in life. Because they were all the result of a “leap of faith”, that I took initially, without knowing how it would turn out. I will keep rewarding myself when a task is completed: #celebration.
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Day 4. Values
Perfectionism > Value: delivering excellent quality
Fear of failure > Value: being action-oriented. And remember, FAIL means: First Attempt In Learning. And: failing is the road to success.
Distraction > Value: being focused.
Self-doubt > Value: build self-confidence.
Comparison > Value: my unique talents and capabilities.
Safety > Value: acknowledgement of my accomplishments.
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DAY 5
Strategic Plan to Respond to triggers
I have discovered that for me, the most powerful strategy to overcome my self sabotage triggers is PRAYER.
Therefore from now on I will make prayer a priority in my life. I will take at least one our a day to pray, to develop my relationship with God and be enlighten and guided by him.
I am confident that prayer alone will save me from myself. However, I am aware that bad habits are overcome by new habits. So this is my strategy to replace my bad self sabotaging habits:
1. Overthinking and self-doubt replaced by prayer, trust in God and the ”Writing my own Book” philosophy
2. Blaming others replaced by entrepreneurial problem solving mentality
3. Procrastination replaced by lift your weights way of living
4. Thinking too complicated replaced by using the Idea Generator to come up with the most practical, simple and effective ways of dealing with a situation
5. Quitting too early replaced by a deep vision match analysis and at least one year commitment
6. Fuggy mind (sleepiness): Tendency to “escape” replaced by movement (dance and Pilates) to renergize myself and get out of the zombie zone 😅
7. Fear to let others down replaced by good communication and the Manifesto of my sincere efforts to make the project succeed within my limitations and Life Being
8. Distraction: Shiny object syndrome replaced by goal setting and milestones celebration 🍾
9. Ignorance replaced by curiosity and a habit to nurture my knowledge and experience
10. Lack of continuity replaced by constant and growing WOMB work. Visualizing the growth of fruit trees. 🙏
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Day 4
What were my values and goals?
- Complete task of my to do
- Start and finish big project
- Lose weight in a healthy way
- Follow up prospects
- "Little action I want to do"
- Want to learn about a specific subject
- More turnover
- More fitness and muscle strength
- Become successful in my business
My new strategic plan:
- Put ideas I have for the very long term, 2024 or beyond. And not before 2023. First, actually plan and implement the plans that I have.
- So just do and plan. And believe in what I know and what I do that it's really great even though others may think differently. That is their right. It's about me. And my business.
- An office for myself. Much more digitally and physically organize what is really important now, what is important in the short term, what is not important and what is fun for later. Kind of ideas bin for myself.
- Make planning for a whole year globally. Then a quarterly planning with ideas. Already how much turnover I want in 2023. And also per quarter. And immediately work out the first quarter completely with data and products. And completely worked out what I'm going to do when and how I could achieve it. Also write out this plan in a planner (just bought a physical profit planner).
- No more bringing temptations into my home that prevent me from achieving my health goals. Here too, I will write out what I will achieve at the end of 2023 and how I will do it in the first quarter anyway in terms of nutrition and exercise. And repeat.
- Start meditating every day. Gratitude. And see for me what the day will look like.
- Every Sunday think ahead and plan for the week ahead. Write both in a digital agenda and on paper.
- Much more focus on what goes well And what went well. I think this is perhaps the hardest part. And I'm going to work on that. I'll check at the end of the week to see what went well. And then I can reward myself. Not before.
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Day 2
My triggers are mainly:
I don't do something or do it too late (postpone) because it takes time, I have no idea that it makes much sense or is useful.
And because I think I like to be alone.
As reward.
Because I don't feel well anyway and I think it's no use now.
Not clear what I want and just keep going.
Don't think it's important enough at the moment. Prioritize other things.
I want to be liked.
I want to hear or read that what I am doing is right.
I'm afraid of disappointments.
Giving myself too many tasks and to do's
Having lots of ideas and wanting to implement them at the same time
FOMO
Day 3
What did it cost me?
That I have given fewer training sessions, which means less turnover.
That I have become overweight in terms of weight and less energetic.
That I failed to achieve some goals.
That I had to pay certain subscriptions when I did not use them.
Not daring to show myself out of shame.
Cost me money anyway.
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Day 1
Which sabotage patterns do I have?
- Intend to do something but don't feel like it that makes me play a game, or do some Googling
- Going to bed too late because I want to finish something or because I want to watch another Netflix series
- Snacking in between when I've planned to really leave it now
- Only exercise 1 x a week while I exercise 3-4 x a week a while back. I'm going to exercise less because…. (Excuses such as tired, unwell, work things to do etc)
- I have resolved to follow up every Friday, but when it is Friday, I reward myself by having a nice relaxing day because I have already done so much and good work the previous days
- Eating something late at night before bed even though I know it's not good for my health and my weight
- Long to do on both digital agenda and on paper
- Lots of stuff in a box which is important but don't look at it so I'm sometimes late with something
- Buying an online course and not starting it
- Buy an online course, take a few lessons and then quit
- Canceling a subscription too late
- Too many 'do I ever want to do something with it again' lists
- Received a promo package to promote on instagram and then do nothing with it
- Order products to promote for extra cash and do nothing with them
- Want to send another follow up mail after a certain customer group and forget this
- Put my to do tasks in my digital agenda and keep moving some of them to do later. Or even delete it at some point.
- Postponing a webinar I want to give for months because I want it to be perfect. I want to follow a training about it myself and read new research about it, etc
- Don't do something because imagine if I say the wrong thing or don't know something
- Not saying or doing something because I don't like being disappointed after several nos
- I often have high expectations and can be disappointed.
- I always get distracted when someone walks into my house. I work at home in the living room.
-
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Day 5. Strategic plans for my triggers
Perfectionism. Mostly in not finishing things,
- Having time to spend/waste
Solution:
It's from the clear plan on what to do when. But also to keep a list for different kinds of work. So I can always look at the list of:
* Phone calls to make
* low energy work
* administrative work
* make a client smile list
- It happens way more when I do things for me/my business than when I work for clients.
* "Hire myself." So set a deadline and communicate it to someone who will give feedback on my work. "Hey Mark, can you read my page later today?"
Passivity: Waiting for the right thing to happen
- Triggered by clients postponing meetings
Solution: My new "dentist" algemene voorwaarden. A mistake can happen. 2 mistakes means you pay for the appointment.
- Also a lot in working with people who do not deliver. I just hope they start to do so anyway.
Solution: Create a ready made deliverable for these people. It's work I do once and it means I can continue with my work instead of having to wait. An added benefit is increased value for them, because they immediately see "I don't want this" and start to fix it.
Passivity: Hoping things will turn out well
- Triggered by phone calls to big organisations.
Solution: I can get an assistant to do these things for me. Even on an irregular basis.
Another thing that works great is have a list of "waiting for", that I can check to see which answers still need to come and need reminding.
Not choosing what to work on.
- Triggered by having a lot of open tasks.
Solution:
When I have a lot of open tasks, I will finish them based on time it takes to finish them. So make the list shorter asap.
Holding back in promotion.
- Triggered by the perfectionism from above.
- And there is a story people are not waiting for what I have to offer (even though I have evidence that says otherwise)
Solution:
* Create cooperation with other people. It really supports me to go into the world together.
* Embrace the challenge. It is actually a gift that people are willing to listen. And that I have something to offer. And every talk, phone call, chat message trains me to get better. So focus on getting better.
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Still have day 4 and day 5 to answer.
Day 4 - values and strategies
Perfectionism.
Focus
Focus on finishing things.
That means reminding clients according to a schedule.
That means celebrating finishing a task.
And it means having clear what I want to do in a set time.
Passivity: Waiting for the right thing to happen
Clarity
In life: Write down my 10, 5 and 1 year plan for life with some clear goals and consequences. And commit to it.
Create it together with Anouk (we have a date for this tonight). We will also be using a score system similar to the resilience scores, but for all areas of life. Make sure that every monthly date on how we are doing, the score goes up a little.
In business: Create a plan for all my goals in one place. Share it with Anouk, Wim & Mark (and the accountability group if you are in for that)
Atm: 1. continue with youtube for a year.
2. Pilot the Ondernemende coach january-march. If there are at least 10 paying participants for april, continue for the rest of the year.
3. Grow my portfolio of websites to 100 in 2024.
4. Continue coaching 1 on 1.
Passivity: Hoping things will turn out well
Not choosing what to work on.
Holding back in promotion.
Being proactive
I hung a note under my monitor that says: Create Daily, before anything else.
And that is what I have been doing. Before I get to client work, I am writing a blogpost, preparing a video, creating something for socials.
And I plan to keep on doing this for the whole of 2023.
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Day 5
the most important thing for me is to break an action in little steps and start with one.
What help is to make time for it.
Presure keeps me from being in the moment which keeps me away from doing
timemanagement as a way of taking care of myself. Without being the middle of the universe...it's all about me.
taking care of me makes it possible to take care about others.
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Day 3. The costs
The cost are many. Perfectionism: losing precious time that could be spent on more exciting achievements. Having to deal with crippling thoughts of fear of failure, although I want to break out of that.
Distraction: not taking enough action to achieve the results I want to achieve.
Self-doubt and comparison: Not doing the things I know I am capable of doing.
Safety: not being visible enough. Reproaching myself afterwards for not taking action.
And last but not least: unfulfilled potential.
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Day 2. Triggers
Perfectionism: I’ve been taught in my childhood that in order to succeed, you need to work hard and do things perfectly. So that has been a big obstacle all of my life. And with that comes the fear of failure. This is triggered through thoughts like: “Is it perfect enough? Or will I make mistakes? And be criticized or laughed at?”
Distraction: when I have tasks to do that are boring, I tend to give in to distraction.
Self-doubt, this comes from thoughts like: “Am I good enough? Can I really do this?”
Comparison: I keep on comparing myself to others, even though I know it is counterproductive.
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Day 1. Patterns
Perfectionism
Fear of failure
Distraction
Self-doubt
Comparison
Safety
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First of all I would like to thank my buddies Alma and Chiquita for the beautiful bunch of flowers last week because I was sick.
A laryngitis, loss of voice and a bad cold meant that I spent most of the time in bed and didn't do much.
Today I again misses the buddy session because of the need for sleep.
Stil not where I want to be.
Day 1 –
Procrastination
Fear of Failure
Self-doubt
Day 2
Procrastination:
I tell my self that doing stuff in the last moment makes me do it the best I can and most of the time I achived that. The few moments I did not I was capable of finding a good excuse and got away with it.
Fear of Failure Whats going on in my mind is the fear that others may not find it good enhough so I dont ask for an opinion
Self-doubt
My fear is that others don't think what I say, write, deliver, is good enough. I compare myself to others
Day 3
Procrastination;
Lost time that I spend on stuff that dos not contribute to my bussiness but only keeps me procationating and dos not bring me the succes I could have.
Fear of Failure It stops me from starting new things eventhough I al the time get positive comments on idea`s when I tell theme to my colleguaes.
Self-doubt
The fact that I was not good at school has given me the feeling that I cannot learn and therefore cannot follow an education. I never got further than high school and vocational training. Everyone around me thinks that I have a university education and when I say that this is not the case, people are surprised.
Day 4
Procrastination
If I stop this I defenetly will have more time to be productive and be able to developpe new products so
Fear of Failure
If I cant stop this fear I would be able to post more blogs and therefore position myself as an expert
Self-doubt
This is difficult because I've been thinking about going to university and getting a degree to establish my status as an expert for some time. On the other hand, I've already come this far without that title and why should I even bother with that at my age.
Day 5
Procrastination
I have no clue because I am good at this for almost my whole life.
Just saying that I wont do i twill not help, thinking about the bennefit is not helping either. I realy need to sit down and take time to come up with a stratigic plan.
Fear of Failure
I can ask my collegua to read and comment blogs I want to post
Self-doubt Part of me knows what I am good at so I will focus on that and let go if the things I am nog good at and find some one to do this for me.
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Day 5.
A renewed realisation that not taking care of myself is not taking care of others.
I will remember that when I feel for skipping certain things.
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Day 4
Impulsivity- energetic and creativity
Distraction- focus on what is important
Procrastination- fulfilment when things are done
Perfectionism- patience, positivity
Feeling/ fear of Failure- competence/ (self) trusting, compassion
Lack of purpose- visionary/ remembering purpose
Self-doubt/ i m not good enough- (self) confidence, (self) love
Doubting my decisions- trust
Comparison/ not being seen/ Blaming- (self)energising, joy, forgiveness
The idea to have to do everything myself, building character, rejoicing, love
Not listening to my body/ resting-eating- (self)care, health, visionary/ bigger picture
I must do this- syndrome- joy, patience
Worrying- compassion
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Day 3
Cost/ lose.
Personal:
Tiredness and overall stress and exhaustion. Grow older quicker.
Relational: I m less of a nice person. Especially at home. Losing patience and having a temper.
Business:
Not being on top of my game. Feeling there is just work- and not enjoying that as I normally’d do.
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Day 5: Strategic plan on how to respond next time on triggers:
1. Plan tasks with buffers that will be realized if the tasks are done (the spare time is my rewards.
2. Plan smaller period for tasks.
3. Plan for morning, lunch, and before stopping for important call, e-mails and other A-stuff.
4. Celebrate each moment self-sabotage is hindered or destroyed.
5. Plan for more strict schedules.
6. Clean desk, delete all distractions and go to a work proof environment;
7. Kill phone, social media and Internet when working on tasks.
8. Plan an keep time for sleep, family/fiends, food, sport and relaxation.
9. Never say yes but, say interesting I will think about it and come back to it.
10. Plan for quarterly or monthly evaluation moment for my goals, how I was doing and what is the next plan (in line with where I came from.
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DAY 5
My Plan is to recharge and take a break from 15th until the end of the year.
In that time I will have a retreat in order to declutter and finally try new things.
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DAY 3
Costs are health issues, being tired
DAY 4
My goal is to declutter my business by the end of the year.
I feel trapped in work and there is no time to fail more and I would love to.
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Day 4: Self-sabotaging patterns and possible values and goals I (could) go for:
1. [set easier tasks and smaller time period, set rewards if plan is started and finished as planned, add procrastination buffers and stick to them] Procrastination for almost everything, I make sure I have sufficient deadlines and appointments to get me going otherwise its worse.
2. [take time to put my goals on paper an stick in front my desk, plan time to re-evaluated these tasks and reformulate tasks and stick to them till the next evaluation moment] Lack of purpose in general. I’ll do it and often above average but without deadlines it become more often daydreaming and filling days till the sense of urgency grows.
3. [use clean desk, headphones and or white noise, find working area that is without phone and computers, making sure no sound, bibs, YouTube or other page are open] Distraction that is shifting attention when on a demanding task not being for a deadline.
4. [go to bed early, brushing my teeth’s more frequently, stop doing this when NOT in company with other] Drinking and eating before bedtime.
5. [have sufficient time buffers to make room for this when it happens] Over performing when fun without a stop-loss.
6. [stop doing these tasks and/or outsource them] Lazy in case of uninteresting work/tasks.
7. [make a good financial plan and work on my network to make it stronger] Afraid of losing what I have (for sure available saving or assignments and projects).
8. [multiply a tasks by PI and stop when the 50 is hot] Planning to much.
9. [make a I have to reach out list and plan the doing in my calendar] Not spending sufficient time with working partners, friends and family.
10. [say I will think about it before agreeing and distinguish between what also adds value to my life/business] Being available for help because I want to or as an excuse stopping what I’m busy with at that moment.
11. [if they do not support the long term goal, they have to wait till the evaluation moment, so just keeping a note to revisit] Starting new things because that might be more existing than what I’m doing right now or have to do in the short run.
12. [Plan time and plan time and outsource these tasks] Not looking into financial matters that really need attention.
13. [Plan time and plan time and outsource these tasks] Sending out bill to late.
14. [Plan time and plan time and outsource these tasks] Not keeping track of cost that related to tasks.
15. [Reserve time every morning to start making these calls and have also such a moment during lunch time and at the end of the day] Not making important calls.
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DAY 2
I was thinking a lot but I cannot identify any triggers as I am always busy.
But I will have an eye on this
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I recognize all patterns. For me it is fear and missing a challenging goal.
What helps is commitment, goalsetting, make it small, do what I want to do.
This whole program helped me to identify again what I want to reach.
Create the inspiring goal and go for it.
Make daily actionpoints for doing what is needed to be done.
Just be in action and focus more.
Make it small and simple and move on.
And smile.
And do it together - that's also a challenge:)
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>>I am going to overcome my self-sabotaging patterns<<
WEEK 24 / Day 5 – This is my strategic plan on how I will respond next time that one of my triggers will be pushed.
I will make the list of my triggers, with the price I pay and under each trigger and price I will write my values and goals. I will print the list and hang it in my office where I can see it. And every time one of my triggers are triggered, I will check the list and visualise how it feels when I have replaced them with my values and reached my goal. I will internalise the joy and sense of proud and empowerment while implementing my strategy.
92 comments
Day 3: Cost of each self-sabotaging pattern:
1. [stress, losing face, regret] Procrastination for almost everything, I make sure I have sufficient deadlines and appointments to get me going otherwise its worse.
2. [missed opportunities, not reaching my goals of with unsatisfactory results] Lack of purpose in general. I’ll do it and often above average but without deadlines it become more often daydreaming and filling days till the sense of urgency grows.
3. [not finishing, other tasks postponed, stress] Distraction that is shifting attention when on a demanding task not being for a deadline.
4. [health problem, sleep problem] Drinking and eating before bedtime.
5. [other jobs are postponed and this might lead to stress] Over performing when fun without a stop-loss.
6. [tasks will stay unattended and in the end will not finish in time] Lazy in case of uninteresting work/tasks.
7. [taking too much risks cost money time and lead to stress] Afraid of losing what I have (for sure available saving or assignments and projects.
8. [Some task will never finish and the quality of others are low] Planning too much.
9. [Losing part of my network, missing out fun and togetherness] Not spending sufficient time with working partners, friends and family.
10. [Cuts into my time without weighing the results] Being available for help because I want to or as an excuse stopping what I’m busy with at that moment.
11. [Other things are postponed or will never finish] Starting new things because that might be more existing than what I’m doing right now or have to do in the short run.
12. [stress, fines, not knowing how much time I should spend finding other projects of unclear what free time I can take or could have been taken, stress with partner] Not looking into financial matters that really need attention.
13. [stress, quarrel with partner, unclear financial situation, tax-problems] Sending out bill to late.
14. [unclear financial situation, missed out earning (cost deductions)] Not keeping track of cost that related to tasks.
15. [stress, and when postponed to long, missed opportunities, shame] Not making important calls.
376 comments
>>I am going to overcome my self-sabotaging patterns<<
WEEK 24 / Day 4 – These are my clarified values and goals which I will aim for, which will replace m y self-sabotaging patterns.
EARLY START
Just DO IT. Enjoy it! - I’ll start tomorrow morning.
INSTAGRAM
Use it to grow my own business – and become very good at it.
HEALTHY DIET
Treasure my body, mind and spirit.
MARKETING / SALES
Embrace it and love it.
WOMB
Implement everyday 10-15 minutes starting as of tomorrow morning.
PERFECTIONISME
Excellence! Implement all the ideas I get and adjust along the way.
SELF-DOUBT
Healthy self-confidence. As of now I will believe in my self
PROCRASTINATION
Completion – I’ll pick the things I procrastinate the most, up immediately, starting tomorrow.
376 comments
WEEK 24 / Day 3 – This is the cost I’ve paid for my self-sabotaging pattern
>>I am going to overcome my self-sabotaging patterns<<
WOW very powerful. And also very sad reflection on the price.
EARLY START
I forget to enjoy living and just being.
INSTAGRAM
Disrespect for myself.
HEALTHY DIET
This area makes me happy so I leave it in as a light house for the remaining areas 😉
MARKETING / SALES
I miss out on the joy of becoming visible and owning up to all the valuable things I have to offer.
WOMB
The joy of completing my assignments everyday and enter into conversation with the community.
PERFECTIONISME
I talk about my dream instead of implementing which make me loose out of the satisfaction of succeeding as well as cause me alot of stress.
SELF-DOUBT
I allow my critical parents to take control of my life instead of owning up to myself.
PROCRASTINATION
I drag around with a bad consciousness daily instead of being proud and happy about my achievements. This also cause me alot of unnecessary stress.
92 comments
Day 2: Triggers leading to identified sabotaging patterns:
1. [boredom, existing to pull it off, lack of motivation] Procrastination for almost everything, I make sure I have sufficient deadlines and appointments to get me going otherwise its worse.
2. [lack of motivation, not knowing if I really want to, no strict long term plan] Lack of purpose in general. I’ll do it and often above average but without deadlines it become more often daydreaming and filling days till the sense of urgency grows.
3. [to many other task, afraid or knowing what I do is boring of going to be boring] Distraction that is shifting attention when on a demanding task not being for a deadline.
4. [stress, guild of not have doing to enough] Drinking and eating before bedtime.
5. [when I think that this will change the world/ my life, or will show how smart I really an] Over performing when fun without a stop-loss.
6. [believing nobody cares only the result counts] lazy in case of uninteresting work/tasks.
7. [dome-thinking, taking too much risk (again)] afraid of losing what I have (for sure available saving or assignments and projects.
8. [no saying no / or too much things seem to be fun] Planning to much.
9. [it will take too much time in the end and I have to little] Not spending sufficient time with working partners, friends and family.
10. [think I need to do this otherwise people will not love me] Being available for help because I want to or as an excuse stopping what I’m busy with at that moment.
11. [afraid of missing out, curiosity] Starting new things because that might be more existing than what I’m doing right now or have to do in the short run.
12. [afraid the results will be bad] Not looking into financial matters that really need attention.
13. [no idea really but for sure a bad habit] Sending out bills to late.
14. [boredom] Not keeping track of cost that related to tasks.
15. [no idea, I put them on my to-do but do not prioritize] Not making important calls.
92 comments
Day 1: A list of all my self-sabotaging patterns (and triggers) that I’m aware of:
1. Procrastination for almost everything, I make sure I have sufficient deadlines and appointments to get me going otherwise its worse.
2. Lack of purpose in general. I’ll do it and often above average but without deadlines it become more often daydreaming and filling days till the sense of urgency grows.
3. Distraction that is shifting attention when on a demanding task not being for a deadline.
4. Drinking and eating before bedtime.
5. Over performing when fun without a stop-loss.
6. Lazy in case of uninteresting work/tasks.
7. Afraid of losing what I have (for sure available saving or assignments and projects.
8. Planning to much.
9. Not spending sufficient time with working partners, friends and family.
10. Being available for help because I want to or as an excuse stopping what I’m busy with at that moment.
11. Starting new things because that might be more existing than what I’m doing right now or have to do in the short run.
12. Not looking into financial matters that really need attention.
13. Sending out bill to late.
14. Not keeping track of cost that related to tasks.
15. Not making important calls.
376 comments
>>I am going to overcome my self-sabotaging patterns<<
WEEK 24 / Day 2 –These at the triggers which cause me to sabotage myself
I love this reflection question. It is very valuable to think about the reason for sabotaging myself so I can work on it.
EARLY START
I believe the fact that I go to work early instead of enjoying my Miracle mornings are that I stress myself instead of enjoying the time preparing myself mentally for the day. I always start the day with an ice cold shower and meditate on the way to work but that is not the same as enjoying my morning rituals. I stress myself by saying that if I am not there at 7, I will not make everything I need to do that day.
INSTAGRAM
I do this when I am too tired to go to bed. I do need 7-8 hours sleep but due to other priorities I often only get 6.
HEALTHY DIET
After I’ve stopped eating bread and have replaced my breakfast with smoothies and my lunch with salad I feel so much better and more energetic. It has taken a long time to get here. But discovering all the lovely receipts for smoothies and ensuring that I have all the right resources and ingredients have been an amazing tipping point for me.
MARKETING / SALES
Delaying this part touches many different areas: procrastination, perfectionism and self-doubt. I now have two people supporting me in this area. One to advise me on the content and one to advise on how to create a content calendar.
WOMB
I love working on my business. I love taking the time and just create. But I apparently don’t prioritize it enough to work on it every day. This has to be the reason, eventhough once I start working on it I can hardly stop.
PERFECTIONISME
In my family mistakes where not appreciated. And if we (my brother and I) did not understand something or made mistakes when spelling or doing math, the world was too small. My parents and big brother got very upset and did not miss the opportunity to tell us how stupid we were.
SELF-DOUBT
This again has something to do with the reaction of my parents when I was a child.
PROCRASTINATION
I primarily procrastinate when it has something to do with administration or calling someone. I have a hard time with administration as it takes such a long time and I find it very borrowing. As for calling someone I don’t allow myself to make a private call during working hours. When I am buying paid per hour I would not like any one to discover that I doing anything than working for them.
146 comments
Day 4, 5
This week's assignment didn't really inspire me. It gave me absolutely no energy and I really had to push myself to complete the assignment.
Personally, I would have liked to end on a high these last few weeks. Got the feeling that I went back in time. Hopefully next week's last assignment will give that energy to end hard.
I looked at the value and goals for my two main patterns.
1 Eat the frog, just start! Is for me the most important one. Every day just start with the task I like the least.
2 Wanting to turn things around right now. Put myself in the foreground. See I can do it, and push myself into situations like this that are super scary.
3 Make as many mistakes as fast as possible. Every two weeks have a retrospective to learn from the mistakes.
139 comments
DAY 1
Deep down it is fear of failure.
Covered by distraction.
My patterns is doing to much of playing safe and then being to tired for the important stuff.
154 comments
Day 5 - Strategic plan
Procrastination -> replace by Start & Complete!
Only start 3 tasks per day WITH a set deadline!
Make sure it is doable, don’t put too many items in the tasks
Make it a timeframe instead of outcome (I need to work on this 1 dedicated hour).
Take a break after 1 hour.
Perfectionism -> replace by Learn from mistakes
Get myself out there and enjoy the journey
Create Beta course so that people know it will not be perfect
Tell people in advance that my material is unedited, so they can learn from my mistakes and how I solve it.
Distraction -> replace by Focus!
Clean up my desk every evening, so I start the morning with a clean desk
Plan my 3 task for the day the evening before
Store my phone in a drawer when I’m working
Self-doubt -> replace by Self Confidence!
Don’t let what others think of me upset me.
Put in my mission statement that I’m not for everyone.
Read some testimonials how my courses have changed their relationship with their horse
Comparison -> replace by Uniqueness!
Focus on what makes me unique and use that in my mission statement
When I see someone that is ‘better’ than me, see it as inspiration where I can still go.
Read some of the testimonials why people like what I’m doing.
Safety -> replace by Adventure!
Experiment with new ideas, videos etc. See it as feedback so I can continue to grow.
Choose thoughts that will support me (I am save!)
I can never fail! I can only grow, learn and become better than yesterday.
181 comments
Day 5 – Come up with a strategic plan how you will respond next time that one of triggers you identified will be pushed.
The most important thing is doing the opposite. Not let myself be overwhelmed or fall back in bad habits. In my mind I know exactly what to do. So the challenge is to actually do it.
1. Procrastination
Not postpone things, but do them right away. And if I feel I am procrastinating again, overrule the thought and just do it. If that is not possible, set a deadline and keep it.
2.Perfectionism
Not be afraid it won't be good enough because deep down I know it will be. The plan is to just do it and maybe tweak a little bit.
3. Fear of Failure
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” —Thomas Edison and “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” —Winston Churchill. I have found a lot of quotes on (the importance of) failure. So there is nothing to be afraid of. I am going to put them in a booklet and look at one of them every day.
4. Distraction
The plan is simple. Stop letting myself be distracted. The way to do it, I discribed on day 4. It should be quite easy if I stick to it.
5. Self-doubt
In the same category as fear of failure. The strategic plan is the same as with fear of failure.
6. Comparison
Learn from others but not compare myself to them.
7. Getting angry at myself when I do not know how to do something
No plan, just stop doing it. And correct myself when I feel I am about to do it again.
8. Focus
Plan. Do no more than two different things a day. Make a clear schedule.
9. Too much going on in my head, sometimes
Same as I described in assignment 4: Take enough rest and go to bed on time.
10. I need deadlines or someone giving me deadlines.
Respect myself enough to respect the deadlines I set for myself. That is the plan
11. Messy.
Clean up at the end of every day so I can start with a clean desk. Not postponing or procrastinating because then it will pile up and become the big mountain again.
181 comments
Day 4 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified before – clarify the values and goal (or goals) you’re going to go for
1. Procrastination
Set deadlines and the goal is to keep those deadlines
2.Perfectionism
Have more confidence. Sometimes good is good enough. Let go.
3. Fear of Failure
What is the worse that can happen. Nothing is life threatening. People can say no. Things may go wrong. It is like falling of a bike. When you fall, you get right back on it. So in my mind, I know the goal and what I must change. But this is one of the most difficult things/habits to change for me.
4. Distraction
Turn everything off. No mail, no phone. There are apps you can use to work uninterupted. So my goal is to work without distraction beginning with a half hour and take a little break of 5 minutes in between until I can work for an hour uninterupted and concentrated.
5. Self-doubt
In the same category as fear of failure. I know I am good at certain things. I have to trust that everything will go right. Not overthink and just do it.
6. Comparison
I can look at others but not compare myself to them. You do not know what is going on behind other people's doors. I must be proud of what I have already accomplished instead of looking at people that are more succesfull (or so I think) than I am.
7. Getting angry at myself when I do not know how to do something
I do not have to know everything. I must accept that. And I want to accept that. I cannot know it all. I cannot do it all. No use getting angry. It does not help me.
8. Focus
The idea is to not doing everything at once. It's no use because I end up finishing nothing. So step by step and one thing at a time. Focus in combination with no distractions.
9. Too much going on in my head, sometimes
Take enough rest and go to bed on time.
10. I need deadlines or someone giving me deadlines. Otherwise I am all over the place. Why is it I can keep deadlines for someone else, but not for myself.
Respect myself enough to respect the deadlines I set for myself.
11. Messy. I work better when my bureau is empty and there are no boxes surrounding me. But it's a challenge and it should not be
Clean after myself. At the moment i have to take care of a mountain because I let it go for too long. So I have to clean up the mess first and then make sure to clean up right away. Not letting the piles on my desk grow. That is an absolute goal. Little by little I will get there.
181 comments
Day 3 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified before – identify the cost (or costs) you paid for it in the past.
They all cost me money, time, stress, sometimes even customers/clients and sleepless nights. So you would think that is reason enough to stop those self-sabotaging habits. Easier said than done but I would like to try. Step by step.
95 comments
Day 5. How I will respond when triggers of selfsabotage cross my path.
1. Procrastination
Not knowing exactly what to do: I communicate with a expert at that specific problem.
2. Fear of Failure
What if I miss the marketpotential/new clients: I talk to another entrepreneur in the same branche as in which my company is operating.
3. Distraction
There is so much to do in familylife for example: I don't wait, but do the task immediately or I delegate these tasks.
4. Laziness
In the evening I do almost nothing at WOMB : I promise myself to keep the next evening with nothing to do, but first do what is needed the evening on the same day.
5. Safety
My life now is reasonably good: I will think of the times that sometimes come up in my mind in which I feel the greatness and hapiness that brings the joy of my new own company.
95 comments
Day 4. The values and goals I can extract from my self sabotage items.
1. Procrastination
Not knowing exactly what to do: spending a lot of time in investing how I must do it: I go spend time every day a bit. So there is transformation daily.
2. Fear of Failure
What if I miss the marketpotential/new clients: I make prognoses but feel unsecure if it is reasonable: I will make differtent prognoses, a worst en best case forecast.
3. Distraction
There is so much to do in familylife for example: I feel guilty not to do this family/householding tasks: I arrange that the householdtasks will be done in a list manner of tasks solving.
4. Laziness
In the evening I do almost nothing at WOMB : also, the cost here is feeling guilty, not to do anything: I take rest after 20 hour in the evening, do my work effectively before this time.
5. Safety
My life now is reasonably good: unconsious thinking that there no need for really change: keep a couple of what I have now and throw away most of the rest.
95 comments
Day 3. The costs.
1. Procrastination
Not knowing exactly what to do: spending a lot of time in investing how I must do it.
2. Fear of Failure
What if I miss the marketpotential/new clients: I make prognoses but feel unsecure if it is reasonable.
3. Distraction
There is so much to do in familylife for example: I feel guilty not to do this family/householding tasks.
4. Laziness
In the evening I do almost nothing at WOMB : also, the cost here is feeling guilty, not to do anything.
5. Safety
My life now is reasonably good: unconsious thinking that there no need for really change.
95 comments
Day 2. My triggers.
1. Procrastination
Not knowing exactly what to do.
2. Fear of Failure
What if I miss the marketpotential/new clients.
3. Distraction
There is so much to do in familylife for example.
4. Laziness
In the evening I do almost nothing at WOMB .
5. Safety
My life now is reasonably good.
95 comments
Day 1. This I recognize.
1. Procrastination
2. Fear of Failure
3. Distraction
4. Laziness
5. Safety
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Week 24 - Day 5 of 5
To combat my perfectionism and procrastination, I tell myself 'done beats perfect' and 'everything is a draft'.
Creating smaller projects or tasks (blog or YouTube video) also helps when I set myself a short, clear deadline and say to myself: “OK… we have xx minutes to make it the best it can be… perfection is for losers… ”
By starting my morning routine and weekly, monthly and quarterly reflection routine again with the help of Brendon Burchard's Planner I help myself. It reminds me that making a difference is an important value. I also see more clearly what I can reasonably take on as a project, task or activity that day, week or month. That I focus on 'learning' for myself and not fail, by saying: 'as expected, it went differently than expected and I learned THIS from it!'.
And the most important commitment is: 'Get the hell out of that good virtual assistant (VA)'. I make it a recruitment and selection procedure. Complete with posting a vacancy on LinkedIn to conducting job interviews. If you recommend another good VA, I'd love to read it in the comment box below. The new VA will start on 1-1-2023 (or as soon as possible).
178 comments
Day 1 –
These are patterns I recognise.
The suggestions in the list cover it quite well I think.
Procrastination YES
Perfectionism YES
Fear of Failure YES
Lack of Purpose YES
Distraction YES
Self-doubt YES
Laziness NO
Ignorance NO
Envy NO
Comparison YES
Blaming MAYBE
Safety YES
178 comments
Day 2 –
The triggers and patterns are:
Procrastination:
Fear of failure;
Lack of focus & purpose;
Perfectionism:
Fear of failure;
Lack of focus & purpose;
Fear of Failure:
Fear of not being good enough;
Perfectionism;
Lack of Purpose:
Fear of nog being good enough;
Fear of failure;
To many choices, not choosing;
Distraction:
Longing for escaping;
Fear of failure;
Fear of not being good enough;
Lack of focus;
Self-doubt: & Doubt:
Fear of not being good enough;
Perfectionism;
Fear of failure;
Judging myself and others;
Comparison:
Fear of not being good enough;
Perfectionism;
Fear of failure;
Judging myself and others;
Blaming:
Fear of not being good enough;
Perfectionism;
Fear of failure;
Judging myself and others;
Safety:
Fear of loss;
Fear of safety;
&&&
178 comments
Day 3 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns I identify the cost (or costs) I paid for it in the past.
In fact. all those patterns are connected, the costs are the same for all the patterns:
Leaking energy, spoiling time, shame, fear, panic, stress, inaction, feeding self-doubt, not even starting, feeding self-fullfilling profecies, regret, missed opportunities and not achieving my goals.
Paterns: Procrastination, Perfectionism, Fear of Failure, Lack of Purpose, Distraction, Self-doubt: & Doubt, Comparison, Blaming, Safety.
178 comments
Day 4 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns I identified before – I clarify the values and goal (or goals) I'm going to go for.
Procrastination:
Value: completion;
Goal: set a deadline to complete every project;
And keep myself to deadline;
Perfectionism:
Value: excellence;
Goal: be mild for myself and realise that it's good to have the courage to make mistakes
Fear of Failure:
Value: courage to undertake action
Although mistakes will always be included in the results;
Goal: be mild for myself when making a mistake. Don't feel guilty bút be honest and askmyself what I can do better next time;
Lack of Purpose:
Value: have a clear purpose; decide what goals I want to reach, what is my destiny in life;
Goal: Make a clear concrete plan to reach my purpose;
Distraction:
Value: focus;
Goal: Make a plan about how to prevent to fal in the gap of too much distraction;
Self-doubt: & Doubt:
Value: confidence, self-confidence;
Goal: decide what will help me to feel maximum self-confident;
And use the solutions on a daily basis;
Blaming:
Value: respect for myself and others;
Goal: be aware of the fact that I don't want to judge, and don't blame myself or others, but look at concrete facts and communicate in a positive and almost measurable way what results I want so see;
Safety:
Value: courage tu undertake action and be relaxed with some uncertainty about the result; trust, conference, self-confidence;
Feel safety inside instead of outside;
Goal: undertake the actions i need to reach my goals,reach my goals.
&&&
178 comments
Day 5 –
Strategic plan how Iwill respond next time that one of triggers I identified will be pushed.
What I am going to do is the following:
* every morning next month I look at the list of patterns and triggers to keep those in focus;
* when a trigger pops up I take minute to look at it in a moment / minute of silence;
After that I decide how I will face the trigger and make small note of it on my list;
* every evening I take a moment to look at the day and decide on what triggers I have to be alert in next days and how to face those;
* I"ll assess again since long time how I can use bachflowers, essentiële oils, stones, colors, sounds, metals to overcome triggers and patterns.
329 comments
DAY 4, Clarify values and Goals
1. Self-Doubt: Believe. Goal to trust 80% of my ideas
2. Blaming: Charity. Instead of blaming, help to find a solution, constructive feedback
3. Procrastination: Action, JUST DO IT
4. Thinking too complicated: Simplicity
5. Quitting too early: Resilience
6. Fuggy mind (sleepiness): Purpose
7. Fear to let others down: Faith
8. Distraction: Focus
9. Ignorance: Wisdom
329 comments
DAY 3. Costs I have paid
1. Self-Doubt: Missed opportunities, unfulfilled potential. Lack of desired results.
2. Blaming: Damaged relationships. Selfish pride 😞
3. Procrastination: Feeling of chaos and not being in control
4. Thinking too complicated: Failing before starting
5. Quitting too early (lack of resilience): Unachieved projects, dreams and ideas written down in countless notebooks. Lack of direction.
6. Foggy mind (sleepiness): Pain of precious time lost. The most precious resource there is waisted.
7. Fear to let others down: Inability to commit, not developing relationships
8. Distraction: Failure by a lack of consistency and continuation
9. Ignorance: Regret
329 comments
DAY 2, Self-sabotaging triggers
1. Self-Doubt: Overthinking, wanting to be right all the time
2. Blaming: Bad habit, grew up in a blaming environment (looking for who is guilty instead of helping or solving the problem).
3. Procrastination: being overwhelmed. Postponing for “later” Will deal with it later, which is often too late.
4. Thinking too complicated: Difficulties to translate my vision into easy and practical steps. Subconsciously thinking that more is more (which is not).
5. Quitting too early: Not giving it enough time to try a new project out
6. Fuggy mind (sleepiness): Tendency to “escape”. Going in the vice circle spiral downward
7. Fear to let others down: Limiting beliefs. Saying yes too quickly without really knowing if it is in line with my vision. Difficulty to say No.
8. Distraction: Shiny object syndrome
9. Ignorance: Not pondering on the cost of not doing something. Underestimating the amount of time and resources that something requires
329 comments
DAY 1, Self-sabotaging patterns
1. Self-Doubt
2. Blaming
3. Procrastination
4. Thinking too complicated
5. Quitting too early (lack of resilience)
6. Fuggy mind (sleepiness)
7. Fear to let others down
8. Distraction
9. Ignorance
154 comments
Day 4 - Values and goals
Procrastination -> replace by Start & Complete!
Goal: Only start 3 tasks per day WITH a set deadline!
Perfectionism -> replace by Learn from mistakes
Goal: Get myself out there and enjoy the journey
Distraction -> replace by Organized!
Goal: My desk, head and environment are clean and organized
Self-doubt -> replace by Self Confidence!
Goal: Don’t let what others think of me upset me. I’m not for everyone.
Comparison -> replace by Uniqueness!
Goal: Focus on what makes me unique and use that in my mission statement
Safety -> replace by Adventure!
Goal: See life as an adventure, take more jumps
85 comments
DAY 4:
Procrastination: completion and celebrating with a clear reward
Perfectionism: only one revision moment allowed
Fear of Failure: just do it and see.
Distraction: thinking and seeing the end of the task I'm doing and be happy with the result when done
Ignorance: just take a note of it
Safety: celebrate every "risk" that had a good result
DAY 5:
Stop, switch to an overview perspective, and from that view decide according to "what would a professional do".
189 comments
PERFECTIONISM
Trigger: Need for approval, fear of rejection
Costs: working too hard, toll on relationships, unnecessary stress
Values/goal: Strive for 8.5/10, remind myself to enjoy the ride and the learning process, not just the result
Plan: Remind myself I'm an adult and don't need approval of my parents anymore
FEAR OF FAILURE
Trigger: Fear of rejection
Costs: not starting something, missing opportunities
Value / goals: just start, just show up, remind myself I'm okay even if I fail
Plan: Remind myself failing is okay....it cannot lead to rejection/lack of connection from my parents anymore
SAFETY
Trigger: Fear of lack of money, fear of death
Cost: Staying in unserving situations for too long, missing opportunities
Values / goals: safe enough is also safe
Plan: set a 'safe enough' financial target, then let go, remind myself everything I need as an adult is already there
BELIEVING I NEED TO DO IT ALL ALONE
Trigger: Fear of being ridiculed for being me, fear of unhealthy entaglement with people
Cost: Working hard, taking too much responsibility, limiting my growth, missing out on meeting & working with great people
Values / goals: doing things by myself is great, but I don't have to do *everything* alone
Plan: remind myself that the fears come from childhood, enjoy fun and business situations with good people and remind myself of the value of that
Another reminder that almost all of the fears we have come from childhood and ultimately, the root fear is fear of death.
So in general, reminding myself I'm an adult and I'm not depending on care-takers anymore is very beneficial.
Good excercise and helpful to see the costs of these strategies. Thank you.
477 comments
Day 5 02-12-2022
– Come up with a strategic plan on how you will react the next time one of the triggers you identified is pushed.
Placing it in the agenda as a recurring topic seems to work for me in practice. I now write a blog every Friday and make a Youtube recording every Wednesday. Through this week I have come to an important insight that makes me turn on or off. By approaching important tasks as a project. A clear and challenging objective with an exact end date. For me, the key ingredients are that I get excited about getting started and that it's finite.
Starting a day with 'we'll see' is counterproductive. So I should challenge myself every day with concrete deadlines. This way I also manage my free time better. I am satisfied that I have completed my tasks and can now also allow myself to enjoy the free moments. This is a nice balance that I'm going for.
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WEEK 24 DAY 5 - a strategic plan
Come up with a strategic plan how you will respond next time that one of triggers you identified will be pushed. F
The next time I see or experience that I might succumb to someone's request or demands, I take a deep breath, remember my values (equality, development, and gentleness) and give myself time to connect with my inner peace before I respond.
I immediately applied this yesterday and it worked. I let the situation go and did not engage.
>> I am going to overcome my self-sabotaging patterns. <<
409 comments
Day 4
Self sabotage:
Procrastination: get started
Perfectionism : there is no failure there is only learning
Fear of failure : fail forward
Distraction: focus
Comparison: the woods are full of singing birds
Safety: excitement
Self doubt: intention
Goals
Use the 5 second rule
Doing is more important. Get the job done
Courage… take action along with the fear
First things first
Everybody has it’s own clients
Safety is a state of mind
If Ican imagine I can do it
181 comments
Day 4. Values and goals and day 5 strategic plan.
1.(Liking) and doing too many things.
COSTS: not enjoying the here and now.
Values: be more in the moment and appreciate what is.
Goals: journaling and daily rating enjoyable moments in the here and now.
Strategic plan: allow myself to do something nice daily and set some reachable goals.
2.Endless lists of tasks to be done.
COSTS: not enjoying successes in the here and now.
Values: look at the bright sight of life (glas half full)
Goals: daily valueing of my positive actions and making a positive difference in other lives.
Strategic plan: allow myself to do something nice daily and set some reachable goals.
3.Distraction / Focus
COSTS: Not doing as promised, making myself wrong, not loving myself.
Values: rewarding myself is growing
Goals: Set daily goals that are doable and reachable and celebrate moments of succes at least ones a week.
Strategic plan: use the planning kwadrant daily : urgent, less urgent, important, less important.
4. Procrastination
COSTS: Stress. having regrets of not reached goals. Proving myself as a failure. Not loving myself.
Values: completion
Goals: set deadlines for reachable targets
Strategic plan: use the planning kwadrant daily : urgent, less urgent, important, less important. Talk to a buddy.
5.Messy
COSTS: lack of selflove, selfrespect.
Values: selfrespect
Goals: weekly targets to keep my desk clean.
Strategic plan: after cleaning enjoying a nice movie or meeting a friend.
6.Self-doubt.
COSTS: feeling no power, inner strenght.
Values: empowerment
Goals: journalling daily about positive results
Strategic plan: Journal next to my bed, writing in it before going to sleep.
7.Fear of Failure
COSTS: selfrespect, selflove, self esteem, building future.
Values: From making mistakes lessons can be learned
Goals: jornalling about learned lessons after a mistake.
Strategic plan: Journal next to my bed, writing in it before going to sleep.
8. Getting angry at myself.
COSTS: selflove, connection with others.
Values: selflove
Goals: turn around criticism in daily affirmations like: “I Believe in myself. I am braver than I think, more talented than I know, and capable of more than I imagine.” And I am at peace with who I am as a person, because I understand what is important to me and what is not and live by my values.
Strategic plan: Next to bathroom mirror, repeating affirmations at least twice a day.
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Day 5. Plan to respond to the triggers
1. Productivity numbness
• Dis-empowering office: cancelled my contract yesterday, and arranged a more promising office
• Must-do tasks fatigue: partly suck it up (eat that frog), partly find (paid) support
• Summoning the merely-by-myself excuse: partly remind myself of the benefits of the solitary mode, partly find alliances and support
2. Marketing & Sales reluctance
• M&S tasks that I’m reluctant to do: devise a smarter and more cohesive M&S approach, and make M&S in itself more valuable to the recipient, and more fun for me – these 3 changes should get me more into the flow of it
3. Priority dwelling (other than numbness, being all over the place)
• Lack of planning: set larger milestones for the bigger chunks of output to be realized, reverse engineer that to weekly sub-goals, and create a visual overview of that in my new office as a kind of permanent reminder/stimulus.
• Shiny object syndrome: develop a habit of staying offline for parts of the day, plus keep looking at my planning and milestone deadlines
• Dealing with others’ problems too much (lack of protecting my time/interests): say no in explanatory ways more often
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Day 3 Identify the cost (or costs)
1. Procrastination
Stress, high work pressure, loosing sleep
2. Uncertainty / doubt myself
Missed opportunities,
3. Fear of failure
Bad nights, high bloodpressure, shame
4. Laziness
Money, stress
5. Distraction / Focus
Less focus means less effectiveness
6. Envy
Low self esteem
7. Consider others more important than yourself
High workload,
8. Liking too many things
Burn-out, stress
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Day 1 – List all your self-sabotaging patterns that you are aware of.
It's never good enough.
Must meet something to start doing something while when I'm going to do it I know what I have to do.
Especially now that I know why I'm here and in what I have to do living from vision and mission, the choices are quickly made.
And even then I am sometimes tested whether this is really true and whether I am still on my path.
Brenda my partner severed a tendon in her ring finger 2 weeks ago. means 3 months of recovery and the company and household getting dressed etc is now part of my duties.
Now looking at the income, we have scored a great turnover in the past 2 weeks. And also working on my new business setup.
I am now going to create a steady income from securities to focus on what I have to do. From January 1st I will be playing the streets with the videos. I now have a large screen and cameras to record and am in talks with a video expert who may be making my videos. I can record with 3 cameras and he can then make a video of it.
What lit me up last week is that the youth actually can't make a bicycle, can't fix a tire you used to learn that from your dad. Now dad is busy and they prefer to sit behind the computer. I would like to pay attention to that
But that's about the focus in this question. And my mission and passion (and intuition) give me the right path and answer to most questions
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Day 2, 3 and 4
I see I've already answered the other questions
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Day 4 01-12-2022
– For each of your self-sabotaging patterns you previously identified, clarify the values and goal (or goals) you are going for.
1. As soon as I go back to doing what I could have done at night, it's a self-sabotaging pattern. The value knowledge with the goal of how do I spread valuable knowledge today.
2. As soon as I start scheduling private appointments during the day. Also the value knowledge with the goal of what can I do today that has more value than my appointment.
3. As soon as I don't complete my tasks for the day at Omnifocus. The success value every day I check something off makes me successful.
4. As soon as I take too long breaks. The value challenge with the goal of what can I do today to successfully complete this day.
5. As soon as I deviate from my current system once the WOMB ends. The value quality with the goal of improving the quality of my company every day.
6. As soon as I don't set hard deadlines for tasks. The success value every day I check something off makes me successful.
7. As soon as I don't start something or want to finish it too quickly. The value quality with the goal of improving the quality of my company every day.
8. Apparently I'm sabotaging myself by not learning what does work from this. The value quality with the goal of improving the quality of my company every day.
9. As soon as I keep doing everything the same way as before the WOMB and don't keep focusing on the three core tasks blogging, youtube movies and free coach conversations as an opt in. The value quality with the goal of improving the quality of my company every day.
412 comments
WEEK 24 DAY 4 - Clarify the values and goal
For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified before – clarify the values and goal (or goals) you’re going to go for.
Pattern: A situational submission to another's request.
Values: equivalence, development and gentleness to dissolve any thought about needing orders and permission from others
Goal: choosing my actions from inner peace
>> I am going to overcome my self-sabotaging patterns. <<
215 comments
Day 4. Values and goals behind & replacing the patterns
1. Productivity numbness, aspects of and hidden values behind it that I raised:
• Productivity (unfocused and open end) --- change to ---> set & plan & complete milestones (focused and closed end)
• Legacy development ------> no change needed/wanted if the previous gets fixed
• Business growth (fuzzy and impatient) --- change to ---> realize concrete steps in either experimentation (incl. learning + adapting), expansion, systemization, and/or leverage (all: concrete and more or less controllable growth)
• Joy of progress dynamics ------> no change needed/wanted if all of the above get fixed
• Other-than-that goals: change office (almost arranged), eat-that-frog regarding must-do non-routine tasks, look out more actively for someone who can assist (beyond VA level)
2. Marketing & Sales (M&S) reluctance, aspects of and hidden values behind it that I raised:
• Sudden success and market take-up --- change to ---> make success the logical result of trial & error & improve M&S-effort
• Financial freedom ------> no change needed/wanted (I’m not very impatient in this respect)
• M&S is the snake in the garden of Eden --- change to ---> M&S offers them value as such, and is pleasant to create and broadcast
• Avoid discomfort --- change to ---> work on making it comfortable: 1. better approach in terms of messages/channels/conversion, 2. more experimentation, 3. add value to M&S as such, 4. make it more fun, 5. find someone for the operational part
3. Priority dwelling, aspects of and hidden values behind it that I raised:
• Completeness in considerations and do-it-all orientation --- change to ---> Do/Fail/Iterate, and be more decisive in “what and who NOT”.
• Everything and everyone wants/needs and can get my attention --- change to ---> my daily attention must have yielded progress or day-fulfillment.
• Time must be used in valuable and smart ways --- change to ---> improved focus (on what is relevant), improved balance (monitoring the various areas of life), improved planning
• Steer Self & Life optimally ------> no change needed/wanted
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Week 24 - day 4 of 5
Setting completion as a goal helps to avoid procrastination and to approach things more as a project with a beginning and an end.
Done beats perfectly. Here too, the value completion helps me to keep making progress. The phrase “Everything is a draft” also helps here. (tip from Nisandeh in a session at the Business University)
Set learning as a goal to overcome fear of failure. FAIL can also be seen as an abbreviation: first attempt in learning.
Making a difference is an important value to me. This one helps me curb my optimism and it's never good enough.
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DAY 1+2+3:
Procrastination: on boring task, on task I hate, on task I think it is too big, on task that is almost finished because then the most difficult part has been done and there is no challenge anymore. Cost: regret, too many lose ends that pile up.
Perfectionism: only when producing content. It can always be better, even after reading 5 times or more. Cost: lots of time and bad efficiency in producing content.
Fear of Failure: when starting a new product with a lot of uncertainty. Cost: sorrows.
Distraction: when something more interesting happens. Cost: errors, lost time.
Ignorance: what happens in the sector. But on the other hand: don't watch what others do, isn't it? Cost: feeling an outsider.
Comparison: can be handy to learn from. No cost, more gain: learn from what others do and what the results are.
Safety: I am addicted to the value "Certainty" of the 6 human needs, so there is no real trigger. Cost: many never finished projects and lost opportunities.
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WEEK 24 DAY 3 - Identify the cost (or costs)
For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified before – identify the cost (or costs) you paid for it in the past.
Pattern: A situational submission to another's request.
Cost: true happiness
Cost: self-esteem
Cost: resilience
Cost: clear focus
Cost: delay
>> I am going to overcome my self-sabotaging patterns. <<
181 comments
Day 3 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified before – identify the cost (or costs) you paid for it in the past.
1.(Liking) and doing too many things.
COSTS: not enjoying the here and now.
2.Endless lists of tasks to be done.
COSTS: not enjoying successes in the here and now.
3.Distraction / Focus
COSTS: Not doing as promised, making myself wrong, not loving myself.
4. Procrastination
COSTS: Stress. having regrets of not reached goals. Proving myself as a failure. Not loving myself.
5.Messy
COSTS: lack of selflove, selfrezpect.
6.Self-doubt.
COSTS: feeling no power, inner strenght.
7.Fear of Failure
COSTS: selfrespect, selflove, self esteem, building future.
8. Getting angry at myself.
COSTS: selflove, connection with others.
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Day 3 - Cost
Procrastination
- STRESS!
- Bad nights loosing sleep
- The thing ‘to do’ is always in the back of my mind, so I don’t enjoy the moment
Perfectionism
- Not starting/doing anything
- More and more things on the to do list, causing more stress
- Not showing up/putting myself out there, so less income (worst nightmare, not having enough money to keep my horses)
Distraction
- Not finishing tasks
- Not feeling good about myself when things are not finished
- Feeling useless, there is never enough time, to do list is growing, more stress
Self-doubt
- Feeling low and depressed
Comparison
- Feeling inadequate
- Paralyzing
Safety
- Not putting myself out there
154 comments
Day 2 - Triggers
Procrastination
Tasks that I don’t like (computer work). But I want to keep ‘control’ so still keep doing too much myself. Then there is overwhelm, too much to do, so I do nothing. Tasks that make me ‘visible’ in the world, like marketing. Fear that people will not buy it.
Perfectionism
I’m not good enough. My mother was hospitalized a lot when I was young, so at home I did not feel seen. So I performed at school, which gave me attention. I need to be the best to be accepted.
Distraction
My desk is often chaos (it’s getting better!), so I’m easily distracted by things that are lying around. I’m avoiding things that need to be done but I don’t like (see procrastination)
Self-doubt
Afraid of not being good enough. Negative thoughts.
Comparison
Related to perfectionism and self-doubt. The thought that I need to be the best in order to be noticed.
Safety
Someone disagreeing with what I’m sharing. Being criticized.
181 comments
Day 1 – Make a list of all your self-sabotaging patterns that you’re aware of
AND Day 2 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified yesterday – identify the triggers.
1.(Liking) and doing too many things
I like to do a lot of different things. Both in work and in my private life. And I have a family that means daily tasks.
TRIGGER: excitement of creating and experiencing. Feeling-good hormons.
2. Endless lists of tasks to be done.
I am never able to complete all tasks. Putting the jumping stick too high.
TRIGGER: pushing brainpattern from schooltime, trained to strive. Making it impossible to succeed.
3. Distraction / Focus
Everything that happens around me
Messages/notifications on my phone
More fun tasks to do.
TRIGGER: wanting to put pressure down from nr. 2.
4. Procrastination
Too many different actions/tasks to do
Dislike tasks, fear of failure. (pattern and trigger).
TRIGGER: Pressure of high expectations.
5. Messy.
At home, one pile, will get two piles of paperwork, three piles and before I know it, there are so many piles I get tired just by thinking of it. So a pile becomes a mountain in my mind. And paralyzes me at some point.
TRIGGER: nr 4. And belief of not being able to succeed.
6. Self-doubt.
TRIGGER fear of failure triggers this self-sabotaging pattern. Did I choose well? Am I doing the right thing? Will it work? How will people react?
7. Fear of Failure
I think this is at the bottom of all my self-sabotaging. TRIGGER: Connected to putting the jumping stick to high. If he stick is too hogh, of course fear comes in!
8. Getting angry at myself when I do not (know how to) do something.
I think I have to be able to do it all ánd be good at it. So I can get very angry at myself when I do not (understand how to) do something. Especially when I think it should be easy to do.
TRIGGER: not used to ask for help.
.
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Day 2 Triggers of self-sabotaging patters
1. Procrastination
Too many different actions/tasks to do
Dislike tasks
Fear of failure is a pattern but also a trigger
2. Uncertainty / doubt myself
Criticism
Comment on behavior
Low self esteem
I used to be bullied a lot (including about appearance, behavior and ignorance) at primary and secondary school and this made me quite insecure
3. Fear of failure
Bad or poor preparation
Low self esteem and negative thoughts
4. Laziness
Boring stuff at hand
Being alone at the office
5. Distraction / Focus
Everything that happens around me
Messages/notifications on my phone
More fun tasks to do
6. Envy
Successes of others
My past failures
7. Consider others more important than yourself
This is triggered when I have to prioritize and make choices that involve others.
8. Liking too many things
I like to do a lot of different things. Both in work and in my private life. So when people ask me to participate in something, it's hard to say no.
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List of self-sabotaging patterns:
1. Procrastination
2. Uncertainty / doubt myself
3. Fear of failure
4. Laziness
5. Distraction / Focus
6. Fear of failure
7. Envy
8. Consider others more important than yourself
9. Liking too many things
181 comments
Day 2 – For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns – identify its trigger (or triggers)
1. Procrastination
When a task is boring. Or when I do not know exactly how to do it. Or when I am 'afraid' to do it because I might fail. Or someone might say 'no', or might not like it.
2.Perfectionism
When you are 'afraid' to present it to the world because it might not be perfect. But the real trigger is fear of failure of course. That is why you keep on tweaking.
3. Fear of Failure
I think this is at the bottom of all my self-sabotaging actions. I do not know what triggers it. Insecurity?
4. Distraction
Too many things to do, so I start with one thing, in the process I encounter something else. Or someone calls, or sends an email or whatsapp and it pings. And yes, I know that I have to close everything and focus on the one thing I am doing right now and not let myself be distracted.
5. Self-doubt
I think fear of failure triggers this self-sabotaging pattern. Did I choose well. Am I doing the right thing. Will it work? How will people react?
6. Comparison
Of course there is always someone that is better and bigger and richer and more succesful. And I know that you never know what is really going on behind that 'other door'. But especially when I am not feeling well or when I am having a bad day, it is so easy to take a look at everyone that is doing better than you. Or so you think...
7. Getting angry at myself when I do not know how to do something
You have to do a lot when you are a ZZP'er. And I think I have to able to do it all ánd be good at it. So I can get very angry at myself when I do not understand something. Especially when it should be easy to understand.
8. Focus
It has to do with distraction. I let myself be distracted. Also, I have so many ideas and I need to focus on one. One by one, not everything at once.
9. Too much going on in my head, sometimes
I have a creative mind and sometimes it is just too much. I get really excited about the ideas. But I have to realize that Rome wasn't built in one day, so even babysteps are steps.
10. I need deadlines or someone giving me deadlines. Otherwise I am all over the place. Why is it I can keep deadlines for someone else, but not for myself.
So, my own deadlines are not as important. Everything is more important than the deadlines I set for myself. The deadlines other people set for me, I can always, meet. I am really good at meeting deadlines. For everybody but myself. What triggers it? Maybe putting everyone/everything before myself?
11. Messy.
I receive a lot of deliveries and nowadays I try to empty the boxes right away and put everything in place. I feel so much more relaxt when everything is in its place and tidy. So in the office I can do that, because I have to receive customers. But at home, one pile, will get two piles, three piles and before I know it, there are so many piles I get tired just by thinking of it. So a pile becomes a mountain in my mind. And work comes first. I do not have a cleaning lady at the moment. In 2023, I will make it a priority.
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Day 3. Costs of the patterns
1. Productivity numbness
Far less output / production / progress than my ambitions would want. With that: impeded business growth, impeded legacy building, impeded joy of progress dynamics.
2. Marketing & Sales reluctance
Far less sales and growth than my ambitions would want. With that: suboptimal revenues, insufficient experiments to learn what works, insufficient training to make M&S into something that does not put others or myself off (and that might even have value and be fun).
3. Priority dwelling (other than numbness, being all over the place)
Far less satisfaction of what a day has yielded / brought me. With that: feeling of lots of wasted time (= life), feeling of lack of grip on myself and sabotaging my ambitions.
477 comments
Day 3 11-30-2022
– For each of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified earlier, identify the cost (or expense) you paid for it in the past.
1. As soon as I go back to doing what I could have done at night, it's a self-sabotaging pattern. The cost: That I lose unnecessary time and have useless days where my energy drains and I enter a depressed state.
2. As soon as I start scheduling private appointments during the day. The cost: That I create a false sense of having done something good and move away from the feeling that I have again underperformed. Ultimately, this reinforces the feeling that my business is underperforming and that I become even more passive.
3. As soon as I don't complete my tasks for the day at Omnifocus. The costs: I am deprived of the positive feeling that I have contributed something. It reinforces my sense of uselessness and makes me more passive.
4. As soon as I take too long breaks. The cost: Feels good in the short term but ends up feeling bad in the long run. My targets hit further and so I throw sand in my eyes that I still have goals. This makes me feel bad about myself and is less bad than not meeting my goals.
5. As soon as I deviate from my current system once the WOMB ends. The costs: That I don't believe enough in myself and in the future of my company. That I quit and look for a job that ultimately makes me less happy than the satisfaction of every coach client I've helped further. I end up letting down so many people I could have helped.
6. As soon as I don't set hard deadlines for tasks. The costs: I fall into my old pattern and run the risk of going bankrupt.
7. As soon as I don't start something or want to finish it too quickly. The costs: I fall into my old pattern and run the risk of going bankrupt.
8. Apparently I'm sabotaging myself by not learning what does work from this. The costs: I fall into my old pattern and run the risk of going bankrupt.
9. As soon as I keep doing everything the same way as before the WOMB and don't keep focusing on the three core tasks blogging, youtube movies and free coach conversations as an opt in. The costs: I fall into my old pattern and run the risk of going bankrupt.
181 comments
Day 1 – Make a list of all your self-sabotaging patterns that you’re aware of
1. Procrastination
2.Perfectionism
3. Fear of Failure
4. Distraction
5. Self-doubt
6. Comparison
7. Getting angry at myself when I do not know how to do something
8. Focus
9. Too much going on in my head, sometimes
10. I need deadlines or someone giving me deadlines. Otherwise I am all over the place. Why is it I can keep deadlines for someone else, but not for myself.
11. Messy. I work better when my bureau is empty and there are no boxes surrounding me. But it's a challenge and it should not be
409 comments
Day 3
Costs
Self sabotage:
Procrastination ( hoe shall I start… I start another time)
self doubt
Perfectionism (specially in writing and giving content)
Inaction, depression
Fear of failure ( not being good enough)
Distraction (people may interrupt and get priority)
Fear
Comparison (Young enthousiastic people, they have a lot of followers, they are better)
Safety (if I stand out or are visible… people leave)
Hiding, lost dreams
Inaction/ freeze
Self doubt (am I doing good enough/to old? )
Inaction, fear, energy lost
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Self sabotaging patterns
Perfectionism. Mostly in not finishing things,
Passivity: Waiting for the right thing to happen
Passivity: Hoping things will turn out well
Not choosing what to work on.
Holding back in promotion.
Triggers for them
Perfectionism. Mostly in not finishing things,
- Having time to spend/waste
- It happens way more when I do things for me/my business than when I work for clients.
Passivity: Waiting for the right thing to happen
- Triggered by clients postponing meetings
- Also a lot in working with people who do not deliver. I just hope they start to do so anyway.
Passivity: Hoping things will turn out well
- Triggered by phone calls to big organisations.
Not choosing what to work on.
- Triggered by having a lot of open tasks.
Holding back in promotion.
- Triggered by the perfectionism from above.
- And there is a story people are not waiting for what I have to offer (even though I have evidence that says otherwise)
Costs
Perfectionism.
- inaction
- disappointment
- feeling stuck
Passivity: Waiting for the right thing to happen
- dependant
Passivity: Hoping things will turn out well
- dependant
Not choosing what to work on.
- inaction
- ever bigger pile of tasks that is waiting for me
Holding back in promotion.
- less participants than I could have
- smaller growth of the company.
129 comments
Week 24 - day 3 of 5
My self-sabotaging patterns basically all cost me the same.
Especially regret and stress, less results, not completing projects properly, tension in work and private relationships.
376 comments
>> I am going to overcome my self-sabotaging patterns<<
WEEK 23/Day 1 – This is my list of all my self-sabotaging patterns that I’m aware of.
Eventhough I recognise that I at times sabotage myself I don’t believe I am my own worst enemy. I do however believe that I am about lost at times. And that compassion is the key to my personal growth.
Ever since childhood I have been my own critical parent if I didn’t perform to the best of my capabilities. It was never good enough unless I achieved the highest recognition. as you can imagine, this thrives for perfection has a major impact on the feeling of experiencing professional
joy or happiness. Changing this pattern is one of my top priorities in life and is why I believe that compassion is important.
This is my list of self-sabotaging patterns
EARLY START
I always rise early but instead of doing my Miracle Morning ritual on a daily basis, I chose to be at work at 7. I am an over achiever and it is becoming an indirect source of procrastination.
INSTAGRAM
When I come home late at night after meetings and work, I have grown into the most stupid habit ever and that is browsing Instagram. I was following 20 x as many as were following me. I needed to chill but I feel much more happy reading a book.
Browsing through Instagram gave me a sense of nothingness and stupidity.
HEALTHY DIET
That one I have finally got under control with my healthy smoothies and anti-inflammatory diet.
MARKETING / SALES
This I recognize. I want to do it. Recognize I have to do it to get my new business up and running but I am procrastinating. It has something to do with shyness and being introverted.
WOMB
I do W.O.M.B. but do need to grow the heatbeat
412 comments
Happy to see you post here, Marie-Louise. It takes courage to be upfront with your self. Please know that I am there for you, if and when you need me.
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Thank you so much for your never failing support Manny. I do feel you are my wing man as is Nanda
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PERFECTIONISME
Eventhough I know that Nisandeh have always said that if it is perfect when we implement we have waited too long. I know I should just go ahead an implement and adjust as I go along. And still I hate it when I have implemented somthing or written something and I discover that there are mistakes in my text. I just get so upset with myself for not reading the text properly eventhough I know l have read it many times without discovering the mistakes. Either it has something to do with me being dyslexies or I don't read it properly because my mind has gone on to the next thing.
SELF-DOUBT
As a consultant and now an Education manager, I unconsciously have chosen to work in area's where, correctly so, a lot of attention is given to the quality of writting or statements made. I like it as it streches me to my utmost but I also makes me extra aware of the impact of mistakes and that feeds my adrenaline.
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All negative stuff excellarate en expand when tired. So mostly it is a downward spiral. High energy, doing a lot, being able to handle a lot, going past my boundaries. Tiring out myself. Then feeling down/ triggered into self doubt, etc. Which makes me bad in going to bed/ resting, which triggers other stuff…
Another mayor trigger is having too many deadlines in a row. I will feel overwhelmed- and that is a trigger to paralyse. And a downward spiral starts.
I had cognitive behavioural therapy this year- which made me look differently at apathie bwhavior- being impulsive for example. Now it is easier to see it from further ahead speeding towards me.
Also it all comes down to anker points for me. Morning routine, yoga, lemon juice, porridge. But that is a never ending battle because it is also boring:.:) which triggers the other lot.
Not finishing stuff is another trigger and a result.
Being locked up/ staying inside a lot, not feeling rewarded or having the feeling being played is another.
My brain and how it functions is another trigger by itself. Which can make feel stupid.
I need to note that many of these negative behaviours are also my strengths…
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Day 2 11-29-2022
– For each of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified yesterday – identify the trigger (or triggers).
1. It is important to start on time in the morning and then my better pattern is to do business in the evening that I did in my old pattern in the morning. As soon as I go back to doing what I could have done in the evening, it's a self-sabotaging pattern. The trigger is: it doesn't matter, it won't work anyway.
2. As soon as I start planning private appointments during the day: The trigger is: That this is more important than my company.
3. As soon as I don't complete my tasks for the day at Omnifocus. The trigger is: Not finding it important enough.
4. As soon as I take too long breaks. The trigger is: Afraid that I enjoy too little.
5. As soon as I deviate from my current system once the WOMB ends. The trigger is: Afraid that my company will be a success after all.
6. As soon as I don't set hard deadlines for tasks. The trigger is: Afraid that I have to work too hard and therefore enjoy too little.
7. As soon as I don't start something or want to finish it too quickly (this is my most persistent self-sabotaging pattern and why number 6 is necessary). The trigger is: that it takes too much effort.
8. The following self-sabotaging pattern is a tricky one for me. Nisandeh says make as many mistakes as possible as quickly as possible and make sure that you learn what works. Before I started with the WOMB I tried everything and nothing worked. Apparently I'm sabotaging myself by not learning what does work from this. The trigger is: Apparently I'm not a good entrepreneur.
9. As soon as I keep doing everything the same way as before the WOMB and don't keep focusing on the three core tasks blogging, youtube movies and free coach conversations as an opt in. The trigger is: falling back into old patterns that have proven unsuccessful and afraid that the new patterns will also prove unsuccessful.
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Day 1 29-11-2022
– Make a list of all your self-sabotaging patterns that you are aware of (use the list at the top of this page for inspiration, but keep in mind that this is not a complete list).
1. It is important to start on time in the morning and then my better pattern is to do business in the evening that I did in my old pattern in the morning. As soon as I go back to doing what I could have done in the evening, it's a self-sabotaging pattern.
2. As soon as I start scheduling private appointments during the day.
3. As soon as I don't complete my tasks for the day at Omnifocus.
4. As soon as I take too long breaks.
5. As soon as I deviate from my current system once the WOMB ends.
6. As soon as I don't set hard deadlines for tasks.
7. As soon as I don't start something or want to finish it too quickly (this is my most persistent self-sabotaging pattern and why number 6 is necessary).
8. The following self-sabotaging pattern is a tricky one for me. Nisandeh says make as many mistakes as possible as quickly as possible and make sure that you learn what works. Before I started with the WOMB I tried everything and nothing worked. Apparently I'm sabotaging myself by not learning what does work from this.
9. As soon as I keep doing everything the same way as before the WOMB and don't keep focusing on the three core tasks blogging, youtube movies and free coach conversations as an opt in.
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I learned in therapy not to put to much stress on rules and guidelines… they need to be in place but also I need to chill about it a bit.
Had to think about that when I read your story. Not sure it applies to you too, but maybe there is some truth in it for you too.
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I understand your comment, Bas and as an explanation: we should find a way out of the paradox that our body is made to move but not to want to move. We then tend to move away from the pain and not look for the reward. In other words, a strong incentive is needed to develop new behavior and discipline is needed for that. Discipline is not sticking to rules but looking for the reward out of love for yourself. That strong stimulus is therefore out of love for yourself. Find yourself worth it. It doesn't make me happy to read for myself what my triggers are. So I'm going to add a little love for myself and I don't need rules for that.
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WEEK 24 DAY 2 - Identify triggers
For each one of your self-sabotaging patterns you identified yesterday – identify its trigger (or triggers).
Pattern: A situational submission to another's request.
Trigger: Situations in which I feel out of place, of not belonging.
Trigger: Statements from loved ones about the importance of making money.
Trigger: Media reports about successful entrepreneurs.
Today's assignment has given me a powerful insight. The trigger that I have now written down first, came to mind third. But it should be number 1. This trigger has been the beginning of my mistake. I felt out of place in my youth: in the family and relatives (bankers and entrepreneurs), at school (bullied by students and teachers), with girlfriends (pushed aside). To still get the feeling that I belonged, I started copying others. I listened to what others said, did, needed and thought was important. I tried to understand them. I adapted.
In an assignment from a few weeks ago I already mentioned that I would no longer adapt. That decision is now taking effect. It took me a while to really see the pattern in me. This assignment provided me with a crucial step in that direction at the right time. It's like the light in me has been turned on.
Because what really happened is that I was born into an environment where there was no shortage of love through resources and care. In a way it was a safe place to embrace my life purpose. And this is still the case. So now it's time - now that I've put the mistake behind me and forgiven myself for it - to do what I came to do.
>> I am going to overcome my self-sabotaging patterns. <<
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WOW , beautiful insight Manny! I recognize the 'not belonging' trigger (from a different background). How wonderful that you realized it AND forgave yourself for it. Now you are ready to shine!
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Day 2: What triggers my distractions: I notice I am more vulnerable to distractions when I am tired. So as long as I keep better care of my self with rest, physical movement, drinking enough water and eating healthy I can keep myself focused.
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Day 2
Triggers
For Procrastination ( hoe shall I start… I start another time) it is all the ‘stuff’ ⬇️ mentioned here below.
Perfectionism (specially in writing and giving content) the trigger is thinking of people who read what I write.
Fear of failure ( not being good enough) the trigger is my own thoughts
Distraction (people may interrupt and get priority) is triggered by questions asked
Comparison (Young enthousiastic people, they have a lot of followers, they are better)is triggered by looking to people who seem to do well ( in my believes)
Safety (if I stand out or are visible… people leave)is triggered by thinking about myself
Self doubt (am I doing good enough/to old? )
Is triggered by… thinking about myself.
Bottom line…this is all caused by putting myself in the middle instead of my clients
Thanks 🙏
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Week 24 - day 2 of 5
Procrastination is triggered by letting too many tasks co-exist at the same time without making a choice.
Perfectionism is triggered by the fear of rejection.
Performance anxiety is triggered by fear of rejection.
Self-doubt is triggered by the belief that it is never good enough.
Over-optimism (sometimes naive, and sometimes a bit dreamy romantic) is triggered by the belief that it's never good enough.
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I feel a great buddy hour coming up with the three of us!! 🙂
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Impulsivity
Distraction
Procrastination
Perfectionism
Fear of Failure
Lack of Purpose
Self-doubt- I m not good enough
Doubting my decisions
Comparison
Blaming
The idea to have to do everything myself
Not listening to my body/ resting-eating
I must do this- syndrome
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Oh I forgot! Worrying…!
For example about not having enough… paralysing! While I try to live a life of abundance…!
Lack of safety.
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Oh, note to self:
Having the Feeling to be forgotten or not seen. Mayor ego bomb!
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My self-sabotaging patterns:
Well, I am human hence I am not perfect, but I celebrate myself for having a full time job and still showing up for my business and my dreams.
I am sure I have many opportunities for improvement, so I will see all your examples where I see I could do better.
Procrastination: a little bit sometimes, but I manage to advance with 80% of my projects deliverables. I set myself one project every month (more specifically every lunar cycle) and I manage to advance every month.
Perfectionism: yes sometimes I wish my instagram posts were prettier and my landing page copy better but I still show up and I have fully integrated the “better done than perfect!”
Fear of Failure: I don’t believe in failure, because I learn every time I do not sell enough or not enough people join. Perhaps I play it safe in terms of investing money but I am not afraid of investing time, showing myself and trying again and again.
Lack of Purpose: I have my top 3 tasks very clear every morning, and my monthly projects, and my trimester plan so I think I am fine in this aspect.
Distraction: ok sometimes I get distracted and waste some hours looking at silly videos but in terms of deviating from my trimester plans and falling prey to the “shiny object syndrome”.... that happens to me less and less, I am typically very focused.
Self-doubt: I do not have time for self doubt, I just follow my plan and execute.
Laziness: I am a mother, have a full time job and I am still selling and showing up on instagram, every week emailing my list and I am still doing this program. I do not think I am lazy.
Ignorance: I am committed to learning, I have joined this program for example. I am willing to find out why my efforts don’t work, for sure there is something that others know and I do not know but I believe in learning by doing.
Envy: I do not waste team envying others, we are all in our own path.
Comparison: same as above.
Blaming: no one to blame, I am on my own with my business, if it does not work is because I have not found the way yet so I have to keep on trying.
Safety: I am cautious, I do not risk my family money, but I believe I take (calculated) risks trying new things.
In conclusion… I am not sure where I could improve, my focus is on launching the next trimester of mastermind groups, I will be selling during December to start in January, and this week I will be working on copy and content plan.
For the rest of the week I choose to Reduce Distractions.
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Day 1 - self sabotaging patterns
Procrastination - I seem to postpone important things to the very last minute. I think the underlying reason is one (or several) of the other sabotaging patterns. The problem is that I always seem to manage to finish things, but it is costing me energy, stress and not enjoying life while I’m procrastinating (because in the back of my mind I know I should do this ‘thing’)
Perfectionism - Oh yes, best girl in class, cum laude in later studies. Very exhausting!
Distraction - I love watching videos about neuroscience, people who overcome certain challenges, animal videos etc and I do NOT like marketing and selling. So when I need to do certain marketing/sales related tasks I get very easily distracted…
Self-doubt - When something doesn’t get the desired response, my first thought is ‘it’s probably not good enough’
Comparison - Related to perfectionism and self-doubt. There are already so many programs out there…
Safety - What if someone disagrees with what I’m sharing?
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What I saw in the video is that you don’t need to worry about comparing yourself!!
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Thank you Bas!
I KNOW I have my own unique way. When I see a video of someone doing it 'better' I try to see it as an inspiration, something that I can work towards. But there is always that first inclination to compare and feeling inferior...
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WEEK 24 DAY 1 - a list of self-sabotaging patterns
Somewhere in the depths of my mind I am convinced that I can only act at the invitation of others. It especially concerns the activities for which I consider that no money can be made, while:
- I have no evidence that this is the case;
- while I prefer to do those specific activities with all my heart;
- and I still don't earn enough money with supposedly approved activities.
That belief hinders me enormously. Because of this:
- I don't market or sell my services;
- I show procrastination;
- I distract myself;
- I strengthen my self-doubt;
- I lose myself in perfectionism
- I undermine my life purpose.
>> I am going to overcome my self-sabotaging patterns. <<
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Week 24 - day 1 of 5
My self-sabotaging patterns are:
Procrastination
Perfectionism
Performance anxiety
Doubt myself
Over-optimism (on the verge of naive at times, and a bit dreamy romantic at times)
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I’ll take day 1 & 2 together, as they are really intertwined.
Day 1. Self-sabotage patterns + Day 2. Triggers for each of them
1. Productivity numbness
It’s not that I fully procrastinate, it’s just that I move very slowly. Reasons I see for this:
• Dis-empowering office, a co-working space with lots of distractions, not inspiring, and no option to work as my productivity-engagement needs – with moving around, putting flip-overs on the walls, etc. So the trigger here is simply going to and being in that office all day.
• Non-routine must-do tasks fatigue: doing stuff in tools that I need but that I don’t fully master, and that change or need updates all the time (ActiveCampain, WordPress, social media, and perhaps about 10 other tools). All the tasks are too small or too close to me to outsource, but I find them cumbersome, so I have to drag myself to them. Trigger: when any such task needs to be done (which is daily).
• Summoning the capacity and motivation excuse (“I am merely-by-myself, I should really have a team, I don’t want to do it all in splendid isolation anymore”). Trigger: whenever I have to do anything other than making sense of things.
2. Marketing & Sales reluctance
The main issue here is ignorance (and consequently motivation), summoning various excuses, like:
• Done-it-before-but-didn’t-work
• Limited-time-so-many-options
• First-I-need-a-better-strategy
• Not-my-skill-and-it-should-not-be
The trigger here is whenever I should do some marketing or sales, which is sort of daily.
3. Priority dwelling (other than numbness, being all over the place)
• Shiny object syndrome, mostly online: “hey, this looks interesting / relevant, let’s read / explore it, it might come in handy”. Trigger: whenever my attention is grabbed and I’m lured to click on a link or explore something in Google.
• Lack of tight planning: not solidly choosing for something to fully elaborate, and consequently having all the space and freedom to hop to doing other stuff. Trigger: not putting myself to a tight schedule.
• Good guy boomerang (lack of protecting my time/interests): I am (still) losing way too much time helping people, living up to one of my ideals that we all should help each other, but thereby loosing much of my time to optimize my potential. Trigger: when somebody has a problem with something, where I see how the problem can be approached / dealt with (which often leads to me having/owning that problem).
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Week 24
Day 1
Self sabotage:
Procrastination ( hoe shall I start… I start another time)
Perfectionism (specially in writing and giving content)
Fear of failure ( not being good enough)
Distraction (people may interrupt and get priority)
Comparison (Young enthousiastic people, they have a lot of followers, they are better)
Safety (if I stand out or are visible… people leave)
Self doubt (am I doing good enough/to old? )
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My triggers are:
1. Laziness. I am definitely willing to do the hard work- but when I want it, the way I want it. I hate doing the work that is detailed, and I tend to mess up with it. And I don't dare to hire someone for it, because
2. Fear. I had too long that I didnt make any money. My biggest fear is that I can't pay the rent anymore. It is something that is holding me back in daring to take risks or invest. .
3. Fear of success. The idea of being tremendously successful is making me lie awake in bed. I am totally fine with making enough money to pay the rent. I know. It keeps me small. And I am ashamed of it.
Distraction. I can easily be distracted by the next best shiny thing. Not by facebook or so, but what I think would also work. It is not always going wrong- because it is also often intuition and it works out quite well often.
Self-doubt- this is big for me. Whenever I get bad feebdack, I start doubting myself if I can do it. I KNOW I am good. And then someone has feedback and I start doubting again.
Safety- this is something I recognize a lot. I don't dare to take risks because I don't want to risk my safety net.
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Hi Gerdy, may I share this quote with you?
"Do not allow others to extinguish your light just because it shines in their eyes."
Source unknown. I hope it helps.
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Well- thank you manny, I just take it as a little knowledge for myself also…;)
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You’re very welcome, Bas.
I read your input. Just this question, If I may: what is the core of your being?
If you don’t know yet, let me give you another quote:
A bird is not afraid that the branch on which it sits will break; hé does not trust in the tree, but in his wings.
Source unknown.
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Thank you, on my mirror too.
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You’re very welcome, Lucie
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WOW Manny,
Thank you for sharing this quote. I will write it down, maybe put it on my mirror, so I can look at it every day!
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You’re so welcome, Mariëlle
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Another one, thank you.
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Again, Lucie 😊, my pleasure
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I so recognize what you are saying. What you said about hiring someone. I need someone. But I have tried it, several times, and it did not work out. Because they did not do the work as I would do it. I have really high quality standards. And now I am afraid to hire someone new.
Fear of letting go? Is that what is keeping you from hiring someone? I imagine there are tasks you do not like and you could leave to someone else. But who am I to suggest what I am not doing myself...
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Thank you for sharing Gerdy.